It Takes a Village (But Where Did the Village Go?)

We say it like a proverb, don’t we?

“It takes a village to raise a child.”

And it does. But then—how many of us are actually raising our children in villages?

How many of us are living in close-knit communities where elders guide us, neighbours feed us, and children grow up with multiple hands to hold and hearts to trust?

We say the words because something in us remembers. But the truth is, most of us are trying to do this alone. We’ve confused independence with strength. We’ve mistaken self-sufficiency for success. And in doing so, we’ve made the sacred act of raising children into something private, isolating—even performative.

The Myth of the Good Parent (and the Good Child)

There is a silent pressure bearing down on so many parents. Be everything. Know everything. Respond to every cry with perfect patience. Shape your child into someone the world will praise. Don’t make mistakes. Don’t fall apart. Don’t need help.

We’ve created this myth of the good parent, and alongside it, the myth of the good child—quiet, smart, well-behaved, always progressing on cue.

But none of this is true. And it was never meant to be.

Children aren’t projects. Parents aren’t superheroes. And none of us are meant to carry the weight of an entire lineage on our own shoulders.

Where Did the Village Go?

There was a time—not so long ago—when children belonged to the community. Aunties, uncles, grandparents, neighbours, cousins, and elders all played a role. Love wasn’t scarce. Wisdom wasn’t hidden in books or parenting blogs. It lived in the people. It was passed through stories, songs, presence, and touch.

But then came the migration to cities. The breaking of the extended family. The rise of the nuclear household, and with it, the glorification of independence.

Elders, once revered as the spiritual anchors of a community, were placed in homes and forgotten. Mothers were expected to “do it all.” Fathers were often defined by provision alone. And slowly, we stopped asking for help. We forgot how.

We created an entire society where “being a good parent” means doing the impossible, in isolation, while pretending it’s not hard.

The Impact

And so the exhaustion grows. The quiet shame. The late-night tears. The feeling of being “not enough.”

Children feel it too.

They feel the pressure to perform, to behave, to meet expectations. They feel the absence of grandparents’ stories and community rituals. They feel the loss of being held by more than just two arms.

And let’s name this clearly: it’s not because parents are failing. It’s because the village is missing.

A Truth We Know But Rarely Live

Why do we say “it takes a village” and then build lives with fences and walls? Why do we long for support but hesitate to reach out? Why do we pretend we’ve got it all together when what we really want is someone to say, “I’ve got you. You’re not alone.”

Maybe it’s pride.

Maybe it’s fear of judgment.

Maybe we’ve inherited systems that have robbed us of the wisdom of community—and we don’t even realize it.

But just because we were born into disconnection doesn’t mean we have to stay there.

We Were Never Meant to Do Life Alone

This blog, like so many others, comes back to something we’ve been whispering together again and again: we were never meant to do life alone.

Not parenting. Not grieving. Not healing. Not growing.

Everything sacred in life was meant to happen with others—through others.

It’s time to remember.

To gather again.

To ask the elders to speak.

To let our neighbours in.

To stop pretending.

To build the village, brick by brick, gesture by gesture.

Not just for our children.

But for ourselves.

For all of us.

Because yes, it takes a village to raise a child.

But perhaps the deeper truth is—

It takes a village to raise a human.