Love That Lets You Come Home to Yourself

There’s a kind of love that doesn’t demand you become someone else to earn it. A kind of love that doesn’t make you smaller, quieter, less complex to keep it alive. Instead, it makes space for you to return to yourself. To breathe. To soften. To be.

Not all love feels like this. Sometimes, even in the closest relationships—romantic, familial, even friendships—we contort ourselves to be loved. We put pieces of ourselves on a shelf, hoping that if we’re easy enough, helpful enough, spiritual enough, or low-maintenance enough, we’ll be worthy of staying.

But that’s not love. That’s survival dressed up as connection.

Real love—aligned, awake, heart-wide-open love—is something else. It’s not perfect. It’s not always easy.

But it calls you home.

It says: “You don’t have to leave yourself to be with me.”

It welcomes your messiness.

It holds space for your truths, even when they’re inconvenient.

It doesn’t punish you for your growth, your grief, your change.

It stretches to meet you, just as you are.

But even in the most beautiful relationships, staying open is a choice we make moment by moment. Because when we’ve been hurt—by others, by ourselves—it’s tempting to close. To protect. To keep our hearts just a little bit guarded.

I know that place. You probably do too. The moment when you want to speak up, but you silence yourself. When you feel a need rising, but shame pushes it back down. When you sense something is off, but convince yourself you’re just being too sensitive.

We all have armor. We all have old stories.

But we also have a choice: to listen to the voice inside us that says—there’s more of me here. And I want to live it.

How to Stay in Alignment, Even When It’s Hard

1. Notice how love makes you feel in your body.

Do you feel open? Relaxed? Like you can exhale around this person? Or do you feel like you’re bracing, managing, shrinking? Our bodies tell the truth, even when our minds try to talk us out of it.

2. Remember: closeness doesn’t require erasure.

If being in relationship means you have to hide your truth, dim your joy, or pretend to be okay when you’re not—it’s not intimacy. True love makes space for all of you, not just the parts that are easy to love.

3. Speak the scary thing.

Say what’s in your heart. Not with blame or drama, but with tenderness. “I feel hurt.” “I need this.” “I’m scared I’m too much.” The right people will lean in—not away—when you show them your truth.

4. Don’t abandon yourself to keep the peace.

If you’re walking on eggshells to avoid a reaction, pause. You are not too much. Your needs are not a burden. You deserve connection where peace isn’t paid for with your silence.

5. Check in with your inner compass.

Ask yourself regularly: Does this feel like love? Does this feel like truth? Does this feel like freedom? If the answer is no, get curious—not critical.

6. Make space for rupture and repair.

Even the healthiest love will have missteps. It’s not about never messing up. It’s about staying present enough to repair. To say: “I see you. I’m here. Let’s find our way back.”

At its core, love is an invitation to remember who we are.

It’s not about perfection. It’s about presence.

It’s not about being understood all the time. It’s about being met with kindness when we’re trying.

It’s not about fixing each other. It’s about seeing each other—fully, wildly, truthfully.

The people who love you well won’t always get it right. Neither will you.

But they’ll come back. You’ll come back.

And in that returning, something sacred happens: You remember that you were never too much.

You were just waiting for the kind of love that lets you be all of you.

Keep your heart open, even when it’s hard.

Not for anyone else—but for you.

Because the more of you that’s here, the more room there is for real love to find you—and stay.

As Leonard Cohen once wrote, ‘There is a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in.’ So let yourself stay open—even in the breaking. Because it’s through those very cracks that love finds its way home to you.