The Trap of Shoulds, Expectations, and Obligations

There’s a quiet killer of joy that walks beside many of us, cloaked in reasonableness. It tells us what’s right, what’s responsible, what’s necessary. It has many faces—should, expectation, obligation—but its weight is always the same: heavy, dragging, lifeless.

We don’t often question it. In fact, we’re taught not to.

From the moment we are small, we are handed a silent curriculum:

• You should be good.

• You should try harder.

• You should not disappoint.

• You should smile.

• You should say yes.

And when we do—when we meet those shoulds—we are rewarded. With praise. With safety. With belonging.

But at what cost?

The Trap

Shoulds are the bars.

Expectations are the lock.

Obligations are the keeper of the key.

Each one creates a trap that pulls us out of our truth and places us into performance. Into roles. Into versions of ourselves that are acceptable to others, but often disconnected from our own soul’s desire.

And we begin to mistake that performance for service.

We begin to call sacrifice love.

We begin to believe that if we stopped—if we actually told the truth—we would be selfish.

The Lie of Selfishness

There’s a lie, a deep and dangerous one, that says living in alignment with our authentic desires makes us bad. Ungrateful. Irresponsible. Selfish.

But the truth is:

There is nothing more generous than a person living from the overflow of their authentic joy.

There is nothing more healing than someone who gives because they want to, not because they have to.

There is a world of difference between love offered freely, and love extracted by guilt, duty, or fear of rejection.

Energetic & Spiritual Differences

Energetically, shoulds feel like contraction.

Expectations feel like surveillance.

Obligations feel like pressure.

Spiritually, they move us out of presence and into fear. They anchor us in ego structures that say, “My worth is based on your approval.”

They sever our connection to Source, because Source does not traffic in guilt.

Source whispers, Come home.

Shoulds shout, Prove yourself.

The Distinctions

Let’s be clear about what each of these actually is:

• Shoulds come from internalized belief systems—family, culture, religion, society. They tell us what “good” people do. But “good” is almost always code for compliant.

• Expectations come from outside—others’ ideas of who we should be, how we should behave, how we should show up. They are the invisible scripts we’re handed without consent.

• Obligations are the agreements we make (often unconsciously) to meet those shoulds and expectations—even when they violate our truth, our health, our desire.

Each one chips away at vitality.

Each one mutes creativity.

Each one pushes aliveness to the side.

A Life Without the Trap

Can you imagine a life without them?

Where no should determines how you spend your day.

Where no expectation dictates how you show up.

Where no obligation steals your energy before you’ve had a chance to feel what you want.

A life lived from desire. From truth. From alignment.

Not selfish.

Sacred.

Because here’s the paradox: when we stop living for what the world wants from us, we finally have something real to offer it.

Service vs Sacrifice

Service, when born from love and choice, expands us.

Sacrifice, when born from guilt or duty, depletes us.

One regenerates.

The other drains.

One invites us to the altar of joy.

The other chains us to the altar of martyrdom.

You can serve this world beautifully.

But let it be from truth, not from performance.

You do not owe this world a version of yourself that is dying inside.

What you owe is your aliveness.

Your joy.

Your you.