Unlearning “The One” — Love Without the Script

We all grew up with a story.

Some version of: One day, you’ll find the one.

The person who will understand you perfectly.

Who’ll make the timing make sense.

Who’ll make the wait worth it.

Who will complete you.

Maybe you were told you’d “just know.”

Maybe you made a list — all the traits your future person should have.

Maybe you spent years wondering what was wrong with you when it didn’t happen on cue.

And maybe, like me, you’ve come to see how much pain that story can carry — for all of us.

The Romance That Became a Cage

Here’s the thing, love: I don’t think wanting to be loved deeply is the problem.

I don’t think longing for partnership is naive or foolish or weak.

We are wired for connection. Love is our nature.

But the myth of “The One”?

That’s something else entirely.

It turns love into a race against time.

It turns relationships into checklists and milestones.

It turns people into projections.

And it turns heartbreak into shame.

We start asking things like:

• “Why hasn’t he proposed yet?”

• “Is she really the one if I’m not always happy?”

• “If it didn’t last forever, did it even count?

We judge ourselves, and each other, against timelines no one consented to.

We mistake commitment for ownership.

We confuse safety with control.

How the Myth Hurts All of Us

This story — of the one, the right way, the happily ever after —

it hurts women by telling them their worth is measured by whether they’re chosen.

It hurts men by demanding they always know what they want and move the relationship forward.

It hurts queer folks by erasing their very ways of loving.

It hurts everyone who’s ever loved more than one person in a lifetime — or no one at all.

It teaches us that love is a destination.

And if we haven’t arrived yet, we must be lost.

But what if we’re not lost?

What if we’re just waking up from a dream that was never ours to begin with?

There’s Nothing Wrong With Wanting Love

Let’s be clear:

This isn’t about judging anyone who wants a lifelong partner.

It’s not about shaming marriage, monogamy, or tradition.

What I’m unlearning — what I want us to unlearn —

is the idea that there’s one right timeline, one right structure, one right shape love is supposed to take.

Because when we hold love that tightly, we miss what’s actually here.

The imperfect, gorgeous, inconvenient, miraculous love right in front of us.

Or inside us.

Or between us and someone we never expected.

What If There Was No Right Way?

What if love didn’t have to look a certain way to be real?

What if the person who changed you, even if they didn’t stay, was still sacred?

What if breakups were completions, not failures?

What if “I love you” didn’t have to mean “forever,” but simply “right now, I’m here with my whole heart”?

What if love was a practice, not a plotline?

Becoming the One (To Yourself First)

The truth is, I stopped looking for “The One” when I started becoming someone I trust with my own heart.

Someone who chooses herself without abandoning others.

Who doesn’t betray her needs to avoid being alone.

Who can stay open, even when it’s uncertain.

Who lets love evolve — rather than demand it obey.

I still believe in devotion.

I believe in choosing someone, again and again.

But I don’t believe in scripts anymore.

I believe in truth.

And truth doesn’t always fit neatly inside fairy tales.

Closing

So to anyone wondering if they’ve missed their chance…

To anyone waiting for someone else to make the next move…

To anyone who’s had love and lost it and doesn’t know what to make of that:

You are not behind.

You are not broken.

You are not hard to love.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting love.

But let it be your love —

on your terms,

in your time,

with all the mess and magic and freedom that makes it real.

Because maybe the real miracle isn’t finding “The One”…

It’s becoming someone who no longer needs love to look a certain way in order to receive it fully.